A Post With No Pictures … I Know, I Know (Crazy)

Upon moving down to Virginia this past August, I shacked up with my boyfriend of six years and we got engaged! Life was grand … Except… For the fact that I didn’t have a job. For a person who had gone from struggling paycheck to paycheck as a dancer to finding security in the bi-weekly checks of her full-time job, moving down to VA without anything lined up was a bit nerve wracking. Everyday for these past 3 months, I sat in front of my computer and applied for 4-5 jobs. And nothing. No phone calls, no interviews. Nada. Everyone likes to call unemployment “funemployment” and while it may start off as fun … Trust me, that feeling doesn’t last forever. 

I’ve always prided myself
in being able to contribute equally in my relationship with Charles both emotionally and financially. And to have to be completely dependent on him was a huge hit to my feminist hubris. And then with grad school starting next Spring, I worried about how I was going to pay for school without a job. Getting my master’s degree was the main reason for my moving down to Virginia in the first place so if I couldn’t pay for and go to school then my relationship ‘values’ would be compromised which was a huge no-no in my book. (Personal Relationship Rule #1: Never move to a place just to be with a man, there must be something else substantial there in order for you to move. Grad school was my ‘something else’. ) 

Needless to say,
I was very, very stressed… To the point that I began to fret over little things in my life and I’m pretty sure my worrisome thoughts were making me physically sick… But then one day, I read my blog. Like allllllll the way from the beginning; from my very first post to present day and I was reminded … I was reminded that I had been through worse scenarios and made it through …Two years ago I tore my ACL dancing and I hobbled my way up to NYC just 3 weeks later, determined to make the most of a new position working for one of the top dance programs in the U.S. Fast forward to present day, I left NYC with a healed knee and a reinvigorated dream of working in field of arts management. But somewhere along the way, I lost myself only to find myself to then lose myself again in the transition. 

Transition … I seem to always be in some kind of transition, whether physical or emotional. And I realized after reading through my blog, that this thing we call transition is a never ending thing. Even in those moments when we think we’re settled, we’re not. Whether it’s transitioning from day to night, happy to sad, night to day, sad to happy, like to love, home to home, old job to new job … Transitions take time … Sometimes alot longer than one would like (insert delayed gratification here). 

And so with this renewed sense of awareness
, I started focusing on the process of my life as apposed to my desired end product. I took those ‘me time’ moments at home and dived into getting rid of my anxiety by proactively thinking happy thoughts. And almost as if my perspective changing was the key to this whole lesson that Transition was trying to teach me, things began to happen… I was magically no longer sick everyday! The nausea, the neck and chest pains, the headaches = All Gone. I applied for jobs with a renewed gusto, determined that somebody ‘better got damn’ hire me. I fell in love with Charles even more for being so supportive, so dependable and never throwing it in my face that I didn’t have a job as he left home each day to go to work. Learning how to “share and carry each other’s weight” these past couple of months since moving in together has been a humbling, loving and enlightening experience all in one …

And then one day … I got a call for a job interview! And then 10 min. later after that call, I got another phone call for a different job interview! I went into both interviews and left each meeting repeating in my head, “I got the job, I got the job.” And I just knew after that… I just knew that my positive thoughts were finally manifesting… 

With that said, today marks my first day of work! I got a position working for the university where I’ll also be going to grad school in the Spring. And one of the benefits for working full time at the University is that I get to take 6 credits of coursework for FREE every semester! So my worries about paying for school have also been wonderfully taken care of (I totally cried a couple tears of joy after I got the job offer.)

I guess you could say that my life is back to being grand again … Or maybe it always was and I just failed to see what was right in front of me … I’ve definitely learned to reign in my negative thoughts and insecurities and to focus more on the glass being half full. Thoughts = Very Powerful … The mind is a crazy thing and what’s even crazier is that my mind is ME. Soooo I guess I’ve also learned I’m a bit crazy? Lol Hmmmm. 

Anyways, thank goodness for blogging right? It’s one thing to capture moments and document them on a blog but I think it’s just as important to revisit those memories from time to time to remind myself of what I’ve done and where I’m going … 

I feel a little weird publishing a post without even one picture (said the picture whore) but I couldn’t find anything appropriate to go with this entry… However, I sincerely thank you for reading through my purge of arbitrary thoughts if you’ve made it this far. And since I’m not used to writing this much without the fluff of pictures to distract from my random mumblings … This is the part where I end my post a bit awkwardly … 

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  • Aw YAY! I'm so happy for you. Job hunting is one of the most disheartening things ever and I remember being so defeated that I had a degree and people we're knocking down my door to hire me. But I'm so glad it worked out and what an amazing perk of the job!!! Congrats miss thang, so proud of you!!!

  • Congratulations on the job! I love that your blog helped you keep the situation in perspective.

  • Awesome! I'm so happy for you. AND you get to save money on going to school? Win win win. Congrats :)

  • I know that feeling…of being so worried, so stressed about nothing going right…that you get sick. I'm so happy for you, Setarra. How wonderful that everything has worked out just right! No one deserves it more!

  • happy happy joy joy!!! yay for getting getting paid and get free credits while at it :)

  • congrats!! that is so exciting!!! and no pictures is perfectly acceptable sometimes

  • Congrats lady! Sorry for the late response, I only just took a moment to catch up on the blog and I loved it :) So happy for you! This sounds like the perfect working environment for you as well. Hope it's been going great! Xxx