Self Portrait Sunday // Sleep Deprived

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The juggle of real life has begun and it’s taking no prisoners…

Since returning from our cruise:

Charles got really sick. When he finally let his pride down and admitted that he actually was sick (after my suggesting that he go to the doctor all week), I took him to urgent care and come to find out, my poor husband had strep throat = no kisses and him sleeping on the couch for 3 days.

Our truck broke down on my way back from taking him to urgent care at 4:00am. Luckily, we were able to pull into a parking lot right before it completely shut down. We called an Uber to get the rest of the way home and got the truck towed to our local auto shop, Merchants, the following day. The issue? Our alternator was done-zo and had to be replaced. $$$ O_O

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Fall semester of grad school started. I’m taking Arts Policy and Performing Arts Management back to back on Thursdays from 4:30pm-10:00pm this semester. After going through the syllabi of both classes with my professors, it looks like it’s going to be one hell of a semester full of assigned readings and writing. #byebyesociallife

I’ve realized that I’ll be working at my 9-5 for almost two years starting in October and am feeling fidgety. I’ve never held a job longer than 2 years. I’m thankful to have a job that pays for me to go to school for free but the work I’m doing isn’t something I’m necessarily passionate about. Don’t get me wrong, I love the people I work with. It’s the work itself that leaves me uninspired. It’s a catch 22 situation because I don’t want to have to take a loan out for grad school (my undergrad debt is hefty enough) but with my artistic background, it’s really tough having to sit in a chair behind a computer for 8 hours every day. I get antsy and walk around for no reason at least once every hour because I hate sitting. I’ve got 3 more semesters to complete before I get my Master’s degree in Arts Management which equates to another year and a half to go… If the ends justify the means does that mean I should continue working at my job? Even if it makes me unhappy? I used to think it did but I’m not so sure anymore…

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My subscription to the “Not Pregnant Edition” was renewed this past week which is always fun because whenever I tell the hubby that the great flood has cometh, he always does a little happy dance haha. T-minus 2-3 years before we (I) start popping out babies. Until then, we will continue to welcome my period with open arms.

For about 20 minutes (this past Friday), completely disappeared from the internet and I almost flipped my shit. Thank goodness for Phil over at Pipdig (who is responsible for moving my blog over from blogger to wordpress and it’s current design). Within 5 minutes of my email and tweet asking for help, he responded and fixed the issue. One of the plugins I use had a bug that shut my site down. Phil pinpointed the issue, deleted the plugin and voila! The site was back up like nothing had happened. This was definitely one of those moments that made me realize how important this blog means to me because during those 20 minutes, I almost broke down in tears. Thanks again Phil!

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Charles and I managed to sneak away to NYC for 24 hours for my best friend’s wedding yesterday. We took the bus up at 7:30am, arrived in NYC at 12:30pm, made it to the wedding venue in Brooklyn by 2:00pm and then following the reception, hopped on a midnight bus back to D.C. The wedding ceremony was so beautiful and emotional in the best way possible!

But, to be completely honest, I’m pooped.

Which brings us to where I am now, up at 6:00am because (although we got home around 4:00am) I can’t fall asleep. So in my sleep deprived delirium, a self portrait felt like the most appropriate thing to do. And of course, Charles had no issue zonking out… The nerve haha.

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I’m tired, hungry and have yet to wipe off last night’s makeup. As such, I’m feeling a drowsy combination of ugly and beautiful all at the same time. I know, I know… Classic symptoms of PMS.

But overall, I really can’t complain. Life is good and the low moments I cyclically go through are a necessary reminder to cherish the high ones.

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With that said, I’m off to go wash my face and count sheep until my eyes feel heavy. Good morning, good night or afternoon from where ever you are in the world reading this! More posts about our Caribbean cruise experience to come later this week. Until then, peace. :)

P.S. I shared my first self portrait earlier this year and had always wanted to turn it into a reoccurring series but obviously, that never happened. So this is attempt #2 at picking up where I left off. No rules. Just me, myself and my tripod (or phone camera)… And whatever I feel like talking about. Sound good to you?

  • Hi friend – I hope things ease up on y’all soon. I have to say that these images really warmed my heart. Something about people being REAL about their lives is so, so, so amazing. It’s never easy, but it’s always worth it. In regard to your job…I just left my full time office job to pursue a position at a beauty supply store. I couldn’t handle the 9 to 5 grind behind a computer. So I totally understand, sister.

    Life’s too short to keep saying, “I’ll get there eventually.”

    Go out there & get it. Whatever it is, lady.

    Keep diggin’ your gold,

    • Hi Fal! I agree, keeping it real is not easy (I tend to worry about people judging me) but it feels good to just put it out there on the blog and move on. Definitely working on being more of a go getter and pursuing/making time for the things that make me happy. Thank you so much for the words of support!

  • You look gorgeous in these photos. Seriously from your skin, to the hair it’s just lovely.

    As for your job, I have no clue what you should do, but I’ll say the cliche thing which is follow your heart, because it’ll lead you to your bliss. I was stuck doing something I hated (undergrad) and it was making me miserable, so I made the decision to change majors, switch to all online classes, and move to Las Vegas. Then after being there for a while I made the decision to be a nomad and bounce around from city to city. Was it logical? No. Was it a bit reckless? Yes. But it made me happy, so eh.

    Choose what makes you happy, girl & do you! :)


    • Hi Zauni! I’ve decided that I’m going to start looking around for jobs within my current workplace that fit more with what I’m trying to do so I can still have the benefit of going to school for free. It’s a compromise in the right direction. Now I just have to wait and see what jobs pop up. Thanks so much for your support!

  • I hope you get some well needed rest sometime soon and remember to take care of YOU as well.

    I am in the exact same boat as you when it comes to my job. My job has a lot of great incentives but long term wise I don’t see myself there long but for right now it pays the bills and keeps at float but I’m def working on towards getting into the job related field of my major too or I just might go ahead and get my BA and chuck in out a little longer….. IDK school is juts blah right now lol but you’ll def find that dream job of yours soon enough.

    P.S. Love this idea of a self portrait series… I might take a page out of your book and do one myself =D

    • Thanks Valla! I ended up sleeping until almost 3pm on Sunday and then went back to bed around 9 so I’m definitely feeling much more rested and centered. And I feel you as far as wanting to work in the field I’m majoring in. Unfortunately, most jobs in the arts don’t have tuition benefits my current jobs offers which is why I’m kind of stuck. But I know the time will fly by and before we know it, I’ll be graduating. So I’m working on fixing my mindset, being more patient and focusing more on the positive things that are going on in my life.

      And yes! Join in on the fun of self portraits! :D

  • Love this and you look beautiful, but I can completely relate to that feeling of ugly/beautiful that you felt while you shot this. I think self deprecation happens from time to time and it comes and it goes.

    You had a hell of a week! When it rains it pours eh? But at least everything is going well now. I hope Charles feels better and I hope that in terms of your job you find what you’re looking for. I have been feeling crazy stagnant where I am lately and I think it’s because it’s been a little over a year since I’ve been there. I’m content as hell, it keeps the lights on and a roof over my head, but I never imagined myself saying that sentence as support of my decision: “I’m content as hell”. I’m hoping that it’s all a part of the journey and just what I must do in order to get to what I want to be doing. I’ve seen some sunlight in all of the gray in the form of an opportunity I’m passionate about finding me. So I think the things you want have to find you working. Either way, good luck with that Setarra, you strong and beautiful soul. Love you and love this post <3

    • Thank you Sheriden. So true that saying, “when it rains, it pours” haha. Things will definitely be more quiet this week and Charles is doing muuuuch better :) And that’s so exciting – the opportunity that’s come your way! Isn’t crazy how opportunities always pop up when you’re in the middle of doing something else? I have no plans to quit my job (because in this market, having a job is a blessing within itself) but I am looking around and will leave for the right opportunity. The timing of life can be so unpredictable but it’s definitely worth the struggle in the long run. :)

  • Love this post!! I need to do a series and this is not a bad place to start!! Good luck with school!! As far as the job, definitely keep in mind that it’s only temporary and soon enough you will be doing what you love to do once you’re done with school. Just be patient and it will all fall into place :)

    • Thanks for the words of support Bella! It’s never been my strongest suit but I’m definitely trying to work on being more patient because you’re right, everything will fall into place in due time.